I have had one of those months that makes me question why I do what I do. Earlier this month, I had another audition for Hale Center Theatre. They were having auditions for an upcoming production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I'd been throughly preparing myself mentally, and physically for another one of their auditions. I had a perfect song picked out to sing in a brittish accent; Practically Perfect from Mary Poppins. I'd been practicing it for awhile, and I may say, I was rocking at it! The only wild card in this audition was the dancing section. If you know me, you might say I am a fairly good singer, fair actress.....dancer.......NO. I was nervous out of my mind, and not really even wanting to go at all.
The day came, and I waited with a number on my chest like everyone else. The first audition was the musical section. I stood when it was my turn on the mark, sang my song, and sat down. The music director gave me a compliment, which is a big plus for a Hale audition. And THEN came the dance audition. During the technical audition, they asked me to go into a double spin...(yes, i'm sure there's a better term for that, but hey, I'm not a dancer!) my foot flew out from under me in the process and i landed flat on my back. The whole room went completely silent, all staring at me with stoney faces. As I was getting up the choreographer came over and told me that I was excused to leave.....ouch. I didn't even make it to the acting audition.
I ran to my car, slammed the car door shut as i got in, and sobbed. Sobbed like a 5 year old. Before I made my very tearful call to my mom and drive home, I plugged in my Zune player to my car and started blasting music. What i had been listening to before i had gone into the audition was The Scarlet Pimpernel the musical. It had been almost to the song "Into the Fire" in the tracks. As the song started to play, a couple lyrics caught my ear, "never doubt, and your courage will grow," "Hold your head even higher, and into the fire, we go." I shrugged it off at the time, called my mom, and headed home.
The aftermath of this disasterous audition was quite bad. I've had a hard time moving on from this bad, bad audition. I've questioned my abilites, whether I have talent or not, why I was even trying to audition at all. Also at the same time, i was listening to this musical on a constant loop, and I kept going back to the same song.....In the end, i started to really listen to what it had to tell me. Note, it is meant to be a light-hearted song, but, it ended up being so much more to me. I needed to hold my head higher and jump back into the fire. I needed to never doubt.
Sure enough, my courage is growing. I'm not fully recovered yet, but I'm slowly gaining more confidence in myself. And, if I don't have it yet, I fake it till I make it.
Yet again, theatre has proved to be a driving positive addiction in my life. I encourage you that the next time you are having a hard time in your life, go through your playlists. Whether it's a musical or not, find the songs that uplift you in a way nothing else could. Music touches us in ways regular words can't. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's the reason I'm still standing here today!
