You can be whatever you want to be!

     Hello all!!! Sorry for the long LONG absence from blogging!! Life has been rather crazy! Between the last post and the present I've been involved in two shows, one of them is still ongoing.
      Early in the year, I was asked to be a stage manager for a children's production of Guys and Dolls Jr. with Upstage theater for Youth.  And with that, I have now found my new favorite thing: children's theater!  I ended up being stage manager, production assistant, assistant costumer, assistant set designer and painter, and hair and makeup artist.  It was quite an undertaking.  I ended up being exhausted at the end of it all, but it was worth it.
       In rehearsals for guys and dolls i met many wonderful kids.  Many were talented, many weren't quite there yet.  I saw many that actually reminded me of myself when i was younger.  Kids that weren't sure of themselfs.  When i was a kid, I felt I really didn't have a place.  I was not very pretty.  Not ugly, but kindof different looking.  I was not a part of the popular crowd, but I wasn't completely in the social reject group. I was weird, I sang songs wherever I went. Dancing through the halls of school. Watching old movies like, Singin in the Rain, Arsenic and Old Lace, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and R&H's Cinderella. I seemed to float in a cloud of indifference to most of the cliches in my school.  I was lucky enough to have some wonderful friends that stuck with me, but I still found myself feeling a little....lost.
       Then, Bonneville Jr High School's production of Aladdin Jr. waltzed into my life.  I wasn't put in a large role.  Just ensemble and a small phrase solo, but, I found my people!! I had always been kindof a shy person, whether others thought so or not.  But when I was on stage, I didn't have to be self concious, self depricating me.  I could be an exotic bellydancer (like i was in Aladdin), I could be a sarcastic nun, or a fair young maiden who could catch the eye of any handsome pirate.  I could be whoever I wanted to be.  And that built confidence.  In myself, in my ablilities, and, most importantly, it gave me friends that understood me.
       By the end of Guys and Dolls, all of my great kids had grown.  They sang out loud and proud, nailed their lines, and had a blast onstage.  The unsure little kids I had been introduced to 2 months before were gone. In their place were confident showstoppers who had learn to love themselves, and how to let their hair down and have fun.
       

          I am so thankful now to have passed this addiction down to my siblings, (who, I might add, are extremely talented in their own right) It's and addiction I hope to one day pass down to my children.  They are already making leaps and bounds learning the tricks of the trade, and I love watching them have fun, and be clowns, or whatever they want to be.
         Theater/music/performing really does change lives.  If you don't believe me, try it.  I garentee you'll find I'm right!

Counting Your Blessings : My Resolution

             With the coming of this new year, many changes have been happening in my life.  I recently went through, I guess what you could call a personal tragedy.  Some of the people that i loved the most decided to leave my life for good.  It's been extremely hard to stomach.  When it first happened, i really didn't know where to go, what to do, or how to get there.  All I felt was the crushing grief.  It completely enveloped me.  It seemed that the joy of the holidays was going to be greatly damperd, and I hated the thought that I had caused that in my family.
              That night, my family and I were desparatly looking for a way to smile.  We went through out list of "must-see" christmas movies, and realized that we hadn't seen White Christmas yet.  So we popped it in, and got cozy.  I was uneffected by the awesome of the movie, until it got to the scene where Bing Crosby is telling Rosemary Clooney that if your worried and you can't sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep.  This has always been one of my favorite songs, and this time listening/watching it, it moved me to tears.  And, at the same time, put everything into perspective.

              
                  I could get past my own personal sorrow by really looking at what the Lord has blessed me with in my life.  And, you know what, it worked.  I was able to see the many people that really cared, and really mattered in my life.  It was a blessing that at the slightest sign of me not being happy, so many wrote me small messages, showed up to give me a hug......even small things, to make sure I was ok, and to show me their love.  I realized that I needed to focus on the people who really saw my worth.  Also, that I deserved to be valued and treated respectfully, and with love. 
                 In that way, what could be considered as a personal tragedy, turned into a personal blessing. I have never seen myself with much worth, and because of all that had happened, i was beginning to see how much people valued me, and in turn, see it for myself.
                  Although I'm not out of the woods yet, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel for recovering from this.  If I put my faith in myself, my god, and the people who love me, I will find happiness.  Counting my blessings each night will become a nightly thing, and it is my new years resolution.  So, I encourage you all out there, that when you can't sleep, or you're unhappy, count your blessings, instead of sheep, and you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings.  

 

Thank you Irving Berlin. <3