That night, my family and I were desparatly looking for a way to smile. We went through out list of "must-see" christmas movies, and realized that we hadn't seen White Christmas yet. So we popped it in, and got cozy. I was uneffected by the awesome of the movie, until it got to the scene where Bing Crosby is telling Rosemary Clooney that if your worried and you can't sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep. This has always been one of my favorite songs, and this time listening/watching it, it moved me to tears. And, at the same time, put everything into perspective.
I could get past my own personal sorrow by really looking at what the Lord has blessed me with in my life. And, you know what, it worked. I was able to see the many people that really cared, and really mattered in my life. It was a blessing that at the slightest sign of me not being happy, so many wrote me small messages, showed up to give me a hug......even small things, to make sure I was ok, and to show me their love. I realized that I needed to focus on the people who really saw my worth. Also, that I deserved to be valued and treated respectfully, and with love.
In that way, what could be considered as a personal tragedy, turned into a personal blessing. I have never seen myself with much worth, and because of all that had happened, i was beginning to see how much people valued me, and in turn, see it for myself.
Although I'm not out of the woods yet, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel for recovering from this. If I put my faith in myself, my god, and the people who love me, I will find happiness. Counting my blessings each night will become a nightly thing, and it is my new years resolution. So, I encourage you all out there, that when you can't sleep, or you're unhappy, count your blessings, instead of sheep, and you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings.
Thank you Irving Berlin. <3
